Don’t Make It Weird

I have a “No Soliciting” sign next to my front door. This does not stop people from ringing my doorbell and knocking on my door trying to sell me things. I don’t understand it. The first time it happened, I was confused.

Salesperson: Hello, my name is…..
Me: *interrupting* Didn’t you see the sign?
SP: *confused* What sign?

I looked where the sign was hanging,  only to discover it had been blown around by the wind. We were looking at the back of the sign, which is blank.

I turned the sign around and looked at the Salesperson. They were reading the sign. When they were finished, we made eye contact.

SP: Oh.
Me: Yeah. Sorry.
SP: But…..
Me: *interrupting* Hey. You’re making it weird.

Then I stepped back, said goodbye, and shut the door.

It happened again last week. The person selling i-dont-care-what rang the doorbell.
I, thinking it must be someone I know because, hello, the sign, answered.

SP: Good Afternoon, my name…
Me: *interrupting * Isn’t there a sign?
SP: What?
Me: A Sign. A sign that says, “no soliciting”? Right there?
I pointed to the wall next to the door where the sign hangs. I even peeked out the door to make sure it was there. It was.

SP: Oh. I didn’t see it.
Me: Well, now you do.

I stepped back and closed the door.

Ok, now we’re caught up to yesterday. The doorbell rang, and I thought it would be someone I knew, because, you know, the sign. I opened the door. A youngish person is standing there, wearing business attire, a lanyard with ID and carrying a clipboard. I believe this person to be a SALESPERSON! WHAT THE CRAP IS HAPPENING?

SP: Good afternoon. My name is ‘whatever’ from ‘somecompanyyouneverheardof’. I…
Me: Stop. You’re making it weird.
SP: What?
Me: The sign! The sign says, Don’t make it weird, but here you are, making it weird! Go away!
Me: *shuts door*

When I answered the door, I happened to be on the phone with my oldest daughter. After I shut the door, she asked what had happened and I explained. She asked, “Are you sure the sign is out there today? What if it fell off, or was stolen?”

I considered the implications of the exchange I’d just had, sans sign. I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh. Could you imagine if I had just opened the door to some random person, pointed at a blank walk and yelled at them “not to make it weird”? Even now, I’m giggling.

I checked, right after that. The sign is there. It clearly states” No Soliciting”.

I empathize with these guys, I really do. It can’t be an easy job. That being said, I run a very busy business in my home and I can’t be running to the door 6 times a day to tell people I don’t want their, cleaners, religions, Internet, home security, books, scrubbies, window washings, carpet cleanings, house painting (actually, I sort of do want that one) new windows, new doors, garage doors, or plants. I don’t care. I don’t want it.

Seriously. Don’t make it weird.

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