Why I Don’t Watch TV

As a self-proclaimed bum-sitter, you may have inaccurately assumed that I watch a fair amount of TV, Netflix, Hulu or whatever else is out there to watch while one is sitting on one’s bum.

Not so, amigo.

While I have seen a show or two, I do not regularly dedicate any amount of time to watching.

(Except that one day I spent all day at a bestie’s house watching the MOST  FABULOUS THING EVER!)

This is why:

I don’t know.

TV sounds like fun. Sitting down, maybe with a snack, in front of something that is meant to be funny, interesting, educational or whatever. I like sitting in comfy chairs. I like funny things. I like snacks.

Sometimes, I think I am going to watch TV. Like last night. I was doing the dishes and there happens to be a TV in our kitchen. (We have two TV’s. One in the kitchen and one in the family room. We are satellite subscribers. ) I was thinking to my self, “It might be fun to watch something on TV while I do these dishes.” Although, to be accurate, I wouldn’t be ‘watching’. I’d most likely be ‘listening’ because the TV is behind me when I am doing the dishes. If I’m watching it, I’m not doing the dishes, which defeats the purpose of being in the kitchen to do the dishes.

Anyway, I thought, I’ll go get the remote. I headed towards the table, but I didn’t make it all the way to the remote, because I received a text. So I read it. Then I answered it. I went back to doing the dishes, forgetting all about the remote. I remembered it a few minutes later. I was like, “Oh yeah, I was going to turn on the TV!”

My son came in the kitchen and began asking questions and making conversation. I’m making it sound better than it was…he was trying to pretend to care how I am so that I am in a good mood when he asks if he can play Minecraft on my laptop.  A few months ago, he and I had a disagreement about what constitutes a conversation. His thinking was that after not seeing me all day, he could lie in wait for me, and, upon spotting me, without so much as a hi-how-are-you-mom? ask for permission to play that stupid game. After a few practice runs, he has become almost believable in his sincerity as he asks how I am and how my day was, even mostly patiently waiting for my response before he makes his request. I like to make him suffer a bit, so I make the most of that opportunity, and we have a nice chat while I finish loading the dishwasher.

Now that the dishwasher is loaded, there are only a few more things to do in the kitchen. My son is happily camped in front of a screen in a different room and I think to myself that now might be a good time to turn on the television.

This is a good time to mention that the last time I watched TV in the kitchen was about a month ago, when Melinda and I watched the movie, Baby Mama, which was funny. We were only interrupted about a million times, so it went pretty well.

Before I actually got to the remote, or the TV, or anywhere near any of it, I thought to myself that I would just sweep the floor first, then I could sit down and actually watch.

I swept. I cleaned the high chairs. I wiped the table and counters. Blair went to the store. I left the kitchen, (completely forgetting the plan to watch TV) and read a book:

Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

in the Copa.

At 9:30pm, I took a shower and went to bed.

No TV for me.

Tonight I am busy, and tomorrow night is Book Club at my house. (We are reading Daddy Long Legs, which is a quick and funny read, if you’re interested) Friday night is date night and Saturday I am usually busy cleaning house and running errands.  I don’t have any problems with watching TV on Sunday in theory, but between choir practice, 3 hours of church, dinner with the family and the other stuff that crops up, there just isn’t any time for it!

Disclaimer:

Lest you are thinking I never watch TV, let me assure you that I have seen every episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, many times. Many. Times. I didn’t see them on actual TV, I watched Netflix and then purchased the entire thing on DVD.

I love that show.

I have also seen quite a few Modern Family episodes, but not all, on the actual television, and almost all Parenthood episodes, on Netflix. It takes me forever. I am not a ‘binge watcher’. It gives me a headache to watch more than one at a time.

Those are almost all the TV shows I have seen in the last 5 years.

I think mostly it’s attention span. Maybe some of it is lack of time. I can’t stand commercials, so there’s another problem.

And then, there’s the zombified look on people’s faces when they watch TV, and how entranced they are. Like nothing else is happening, like their wife, standing next to them, trying to ask if she looks fat in these pants.

There’s also the money. I would totally cut off TV if I didn’t think Blair would leave me.

AND the fact that children are rendered completely incapable of any movement while a TV is on, including doing the dishes or any other chore you asked them to do 50 bazillion times.

Eh, anyway, those are reasons why I don’t watch TV, in case you were wondering.

You are welcome.

 

 

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